Which You Think You Cannot Do
by shannyfish
Summary: When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.
1. I'm Fine

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 1 "I'm Fine…"

**Author's Notes:** This is my first fic that's this dark, normally I try to 'happily ever after' it, but for some reason this plot line has been bouncing around my head. And the only way to get it to stop nagging me is to put it down on paper ;) Also, I'd greatly appreciate constructive feedback.

Gasping in breath, Elizabeth clutched the pillow tightly to her chest burying her face into the soft wet fabric. She had worked herself up so much that she could hardly breathe. Her chest hurt from the intake and exhale of breath, her face was red and swollen, under her eyes were even more swollen that the rest of her face, her tear ducts screamed as they continued to release more and more tears, and her normally gleaming green eyes were dull surrounded in a sea of redness.

Hearing the ding to let her know that someone was at her door, she willed for the person to go away. She knew though that someone would be coming, she had ignored her headset and no doubt someone would pick up on that fact and come looking for her. But they didn't, the ding was just followed by insistent knocking. Why couldn't they leave her alone? She just wanted to be left alone.

"Go away," she said weakly; hearing her own voice she knew that her voice hadn't carried to whoever was attacking her door and that even if they heard it that it wouldn't be convinced enough that she was okay enough to go away. Pulling the blanket around her torn clothes trying to cover herself up as much as she could; she stood up and slowly walked to the door. She had a fairly good idea who it was. Wiping her eyes and taking a deep breath she just hoped that she didn't look as bad as she felt. But she just wanted him to go away and the only way to do that was to open the door and let him know that she was alive.

As she neared the door, it slid open sensing her. She kept her head bowed a bit hoping that just her presence would be enough to get him to leave her alone. "I'm fine," she said quietly.

John was frustrated and worried. He had gone to pacing back and forth in front of her door. "You didn't answer your headset. Zelenka and Rodney have been trying to contact you for permission to do some…science thing for hours now. Bates was about to do a full on search for you. I've been out here for like five minutes. What's wrong? It's not like you to not answer your headset."

She could hear his frustration in his tone. Elizabeth knew that John cared about her, obviously enough to be worried about her. "I just…needed quiet," she whispered keeping her head down. "Tell Rodney he can do what he wants… I just want to be left alone for the night," she told him turning her back hoping that he would leave. But when she felt his hand on her arm, she knew she wasn't going to get away that easily. "John…" her voice started off as a whispered and then she started to lose her composure, "Please…"

He couldn't remember seeing Elizabeth so depressed or quiet. She was usually only that quiet when they were on the balcony enjoying the sunset. "What's wrong?" he asked gently running his hand up and down her arm lightly, but when she tensed and pulled away, he pulled back. "You know you can talk to me, Elizabeth…"

"Not about this, John," she said sadly staring down at the floor. More tears started to form and slowly let loose down her skin. It hurt for the tears to roll down her cheeks before they plummeted to the floor, but she didn't let out the whimper she felt like. Not with John there.

Reaching out he pulled her around and then lifted her chin, what he saw scared him. He had never seen her like this. Never seen her fall apart. He moved farther into her quarters so that the door would shut. He didn't want others to see her like this, but he knew that she was owed a mental breakdown. It had been years now since they had come to Atlantis and as the expedition leader Elizabeth had been under incredible stress. Every now and then everyone needed to have a breakdown. "Elizabeth…talk to me…"

"I can't…" she whispered pulling away. "You need to leave," she added as harshness filled her voice as she turned away from him.

John wasn't about to leave her in such a state without at least trying to help her. He reached out again and held tight to the blanket around her shoulder, but when she pulled away, the blanket stayed in his grasp and he saw her bare shoulder and then part of her uniform. He just stared for a moment, before reaching out this time for her shoulder. Turning her around, he looked her up and down. Her shirt wasn't the only thing that was torn. Her cranberry shirt, that was normally long sleeve, looked like it had been part of a tug o'war. One sleeve was completely missing, and then the zipper that went down the center of the shirt wasn't attached to parts of the fabric. Her belt was undone and the pants looked torn around the waist. She wasn't in shoes, but just one sock. "What happened?" he asked again.

Humiliation was immediately what she felt when John looked at her like that. Looking down, she let out a sob and pulled the fabric of the blanket tight across her chest. The warmth made her feel slightly better. It was like being hugged, but without the human touch.

"Elizabeth…" he whispered.

"Please, John…let it go," she looked back up at him. "Just let it go."

Walking forward, he wrapped his arms gently around her, keeping one arm around her waist while the other found her hair. "Who did this Elizabeth?" he asked trying to keep his voice level. He could guess several things that had happened, but he wanted to know, to hear it from her. And most of all, he wanted to know who had done it to her.

Finally giving into him, she held tightly to him, clinging. She hadn't wanted to, but it was obvious that he wasn't leaving, so why not take in what comfort he could provide? "Please…"

Pulling back, he looked at her, moving one hand to lift her chin so he could look into her eyes. "Are you hurt? You need to tell me…" His voice went softer, "Please…Elizabeth. Tell me what happened and who did this… I'll-I'll…"

"You'll what, John?" she asked softly. "You'll land yourself back on Earth in a jail cell."

He got upset. He just wanted simple information. He shook her shoulders sharply hoping to knock some sense into her, "Tell me Elizabeth." His voice was sharp and showing her just how frustrated he was getting with her, but it also showed how worried he truly was about her. "Tell me."

Walking back into him, she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face into the crook of his neck. "He made threats…"

Relieved that at least she was talking, he wrapped his arms around her and swayed slightly. His chin rested on her head. "What threats?"

Sniffling, she moved her face around before becoming more comfortable. Pulling in a sharp breath, she closed her eyes. "He said he'd kill me… That he'd make sure you and your team never made it back…"

"Made it back from where?" John asked not liking the fact that not only was this person threatening Elizabeth, but the people she held dear.

"Anywhere…I don't think that really matters. Just the fact that he said he would…and I believe he would follow through on his threats," she whispered quietly.

Kissing the top of her head, he tightened his arms a bit before he heard her whimper. Pulling back, he knew there was something wrong. "Where? What's wrong?" he asked immediately a bit panicked.

"My side," she responded. "It's just bruised…"

John walked a step forward and moved her arms so he could lift the side of her shirt ever so slightly. He saw that her right side was lightly bruised, but when he inspected the left side he was shocked at the deeply dark colored bruised up along her side that wrapped around her back and her stomach. "Elizabeth…God…you have to see Carson…" he said looking up at her.

"I'm fine…"

"You're not fine. You were assaulted…" John told her wanting to make sure that she hadn't broken a rib or had any internal injuries.

"No, I wasn't assaulted…" she whispered and looked down. Pulling the blanket back up and tightly around her, she walked over and sat down in her chair.

He crouched down in front of her looking up into her face. "What happened then?"

She ran her hand roughly across her face sniffling again. "John…it's hard…" she started. "I'm embarrassed it even happened…" It was her fault, wasn't it? She had let it happen to her…

"What happened?"

"He-he…raped…me…" she barely made out audibly. Her eyes stayed away from his face. "He said I asked for it… That…it's how I act around people…" she tried to explain as she wiped away more tears.

John just stayed quiet in shock staring at her, but then he realized that she was blaming herself for something that was in no way her fault. "Elizabeth…it's not your fault… You've never acted out of line. I would have said something if you did…let alone be completely shocked by it."

She shook her head and closed her eyes.

"Who?" was the only word his pushed. He needed to know. He needed to find the man who had done it and beat him. Elizabeth didn't deserve any of it.

She shook her head again, her eyes still closed.

"You need to tell me…" He sighed when she shook her head again. It was only going to make things worse. On Atlantis you saw the same people everyday. And everyday that person would haunt her, let alone the fact that at the moment Elizabeth was letting him get away with what he had done to her. "Carson will need to look you over," he said pulling the blanket back up and wrapping it back into place. "You want me to take you or do you want him to make a house call?" He wanted to add that Kate Heightmeyer would also need to see her, but he wasn't going to push. If he could at least get her to agree to see Carson, then that was a start.

"No…I don't want anyone to know."

"Elizabeth…you could have internal damage or broken ribs. Carson's going to see you. It's your choice as to where it is," he said a bit more forcefully. He wasn't going to let her hurt herself because of her stubbornness.

"Here."

Nodding, John called Carson on the headset requesting he come to Elizabeth's quarters with his kit. He looked back at her; she was sitting down looking down. "Who did this, Elizabeth?" he tried again.

"You can't do anything, John," she whispered looking away. It was useless to tell him, she knew that. He would just want to do something even though it would only get him into trouble. Elizabeth wouldn't allow it for her to be the one to destroy his career or his life like that. She didn't see it as worth it at all.


	2. A Diplomatic Deal

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 2 "A Diplomatic Deal"

**Author's Notes:** none

"What did'ya do to her?" was Carson Beckett's first reaction when he saw the bruising turning his question towards Colonel Sheppard.

John just stared at the doctor for a minute, "I didn't do it."

Doctor Beckett shook his head, "This doesn't look good at all. We might have to bring you down to the medical bay, Elizabeth…"

"No," she stated firmly just watching what Carson was doing. When he started to inspect ribs, she let out of a surprised pained gasp, sucking air in and biting her lip in response. She heard Carson sigh and she looked up at him. His expression really made her think that she didn't want to hear his next suggestion or order.

"Now, if it were just some bruising that would be one thing," he started, "But this looks far worse. So, now I'll ask…who did this and what happened?" Beckett asked finally looking between Weir and Sheppard. When neither responded and instead they adverted their eyes away from him, he got frustrated. "Now, e'ther you speak up or I'm going to start making assumptions. Assumptions that I don't think are true, but you ne'ar know with the rumors that fly through Atlantis."

"Thanks Carson," John said sarcastically. "Just what Atlantis needs, more rumors."

"You could look at it as rumors confirmed as fact," he offered looking at Sheppard wanting his answer. "So?"

John sighed and rubbed his face, "Elizabeth has to be the one to tell you."

Elizabeth still was biting her lip and looking away from them. She didn't want to tell either of them. But she didn't want anything spread about she and John either. Tears flooded her eyes at the thought of what had happened. It was hard to share it with someone else. But she knew she could trust Carson to keep her secret. "You can't tell anyone," she whispered.

Carson's gentle face wrinkled with worry, "Aye, if it'll mean you actually letting me help you. Then I'll keep yer secret." He didn't like the sound of Elizabeth's voice or what he was seeing, but he needed to know what had happened so he knew where to check exactly for injuries. If he didn't know everything that had happened, then he could possibly miss where Elizabeth could be seriously hurt.

She looked down, not wanting to see pity in Carson's face. Elizabeth wrapped her arms around herself not caring about the slight sting when the pressure aggravated her ribs. "I was rape…" she stated quietly and then added so that they were all clear, "And not by John…"

"Oh…Lass…" Carson said quietly sadness in his voice. "Who?" he asked Elizabeth and then looked up at Sheppard, "And why aren't you after this person?"

"She won't tell me who it is…" John told him quite honestly. For if John Sheppard knew the identity of the man, he'd most likely end up doing something incredibly stupid like hunting him down and beating him with his bare hands until he was a bloody pulp.

"It's better that no one knows," Elizabeth tried to reason. More for herself, she felt, than for them. She needed to feel like she was making the right decision about it also, even if John had just stood there trying to get it out of her.

"Lass, what if he tries to rape someone else on Atlantis? Or comes after you again?" Carson questioned. "You need to tell someone. And you should definitely be talking to Doctor Heightmeyer."

At the thought of expanding the currently small circle, she shook her head quickly. "No, no one else knows…"

"But, Elizabeth, you need counseling. You can't honestly tell me that you're fine with everything that happened… I'm not and it wasn't even me," Carson told her. "Kate will keep it confidential. She can help ya…" When she shook her head, he sighed. "I'll make ya a deal then."

"What kind of deal?" John asked curiously.

Carson lifted Elizabeth's chin, so she had to look at him. "I'll continue to treat ya in the privacy of your own quarters…IF…ya let Kate come here and at least talk to her one time."

"Carson—"

He sighed, and stood up, letting her chin fall again. "Aye, then it's to the medical bay for us all."

"No, I'm not going," Elizabeth told him.

"Then ya agree to my deal?"

"No."

"I'll call security and have them drag'ya there… I'll sedate ya if I have to."

"Carson, you're not really…" John started, but the doctor cut him off quickly.

Diplomacy was something that all doctors tended to use eventually, even if diplomacy wasn't their profession. He knew Elizabeth needed to see Kate, and he'd make threats in order to see what was best for his patient. "Colonel, now believe it or not…as the Chief Medical Officer on Atlantis I have full authority over anyone in medical cases." He looked back at Elizabeth, "Now, if you want me to continue to treat you here…then you'll agree to talking to Kate."

"Not today," Elizabeth told him.

"Nah, not today…but tomorrow."

Her voice was quiet, but had calmed a great deal. She nodded, before vocalizing, "Okay. We have a deal."

"Good," Carson responded thankful that Elizabeth had done what would be easiest for her. "Now, I'll need a couple more things…I'll be back. And when I come back, I expect Colonel Sheppard to give us privacy so that I can examine you."

John nodded, "I need to check in with security anyways." He noticed the look of panic rinse over Elizabeth's face, "I'll tell them that you were sleeping…or…well I'll make it sound like a better reason why you didn't respond to your gear."

"Thank you," Elizabeth said. "Do you mind if I shower?"

"You'll want to do that after the exam. I promise it won't take long," Carson promised. "I'll be back in five minutes."

After Carson had left after his full examination of her, Elizabeth had felt extremely uncomfortable and completely filthy. She just wanted to get clean. At least she was left alone, she needed that. Turning on the shower, she set it for hot, as she shed away her clothes, putting them all in the trash. Most of it was ruined anyways, and she didn't want anymore memories of what had happened. She just wanted to put it all behind her.

Once in the shower, she immediately started to scrub and then applied shampoo and then conditioner to her hair. She just wanted to be clean. Elizabeth could feel him all over her and she just wanted it gone. After rinsing out the conditioner and scrubbing her body for about the third time, she reached out for her toothbrush and toothpaste. Scrubbing her teeth on all three sides and then her gums until they started to bleed, before Elizabeth turned to scrubbing her tongue until she nearly threw up. Rinsing and spitting quickly to avoid that, she sighed and leaned against the shower wall feeling the hot water rush down her body. It was starting to cool down though, so she upped the heat. She just wanted to feel clean.

Fifteen more minutes in the heated water, before Elizabeth finally emerged. Her skin bright red from the hot water, but she still felt dirty, like it was something that she couldn't clean. Toweling her skin off and then towel drying her hair, she made her way to her drawers to find something to wear. She just wanted to sleep. Sleep she felt would help things…at least a bit. There was no reminder there.

After pulling on a tank top, panties, and a pair of running pants, she climbed into bed wearily. Once under the covers, she pulled the blanket and sheet tight around her, binding her in the warm comfort. She slept on her side, staring at the wall for a minute before closing her eyes and letting her mind relax and lull into a peaceful state of sleep.

TBC…


	3. Sharing the Weight

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 3 "Sharing the Weight"

**Author's Notes:** none.

The knock on the door was annoying; she knew who it was… She was supposed to meet with Atlantis' shrink, Doctor Kate Heightmeyer. But Elizabeth didn't feel up to having any more visitors. She needed another day of just lying in her bed and sleeping. Finally pulling herself to her feet and trudging to the door, she commanded it to open and stared at the doctor who looked much too bright eyed. "Doctor."

"Good morning, Doctor Weir," she greeted.

"I suppose…you could say that…"

"May I come in?" she asked.

Elizabeth knew that there was going to be no arguing with the woman, stepping to the side, she allowed Doctor Heightmeyer in. "Might as well…"

When the door slid closed, she turned to face Elizabeth her smile dropped hoping that it would ease Elizabeth's tension a bit. "Elizabeth, Carson asked me to talk to you…now he didn't really tell me anything…so I don't know exactly where to start. But obviously from looking at you, you need to talk about it."

"Carson just wants a name," Elizabeth responded hugging herself for a minute before moving over to a chair. Maybe she did need to talk to someone… But she wasn't sure that person was Kate Heightmeyer, but the woman was trustworthy and did want to help her.

"What name?" Kate asked easing down into a chair. Her voice was soft and gentle and full of caring. She knew that she didn't often get to talk to Elizabeth, but knew that just the chore of running Atlantis and being responsible for it and the people who lived there was enough to cause anyone to need to unload…

Dropping her head over her face, she sighed, "I don't want to think about it."

Studying her for a minute, Kate frowned, "What happened, Elizabeth?" she asked quietly and concerned. In her years working as a psychologist, she could tell when there was something wrong, when something horrible and traumatizing had happened to a person…and Elizabeth fit it at the moment. For a person already holding such weight on her shoulders, Kate couldn't imagine her holding any more and not letting her help. "You can talk to me. What you tell me stays here," she stressed.

"I've only told Carson and Joh-Colonel Sheppard…" Elizabeth explained.

Nodding, Kate repeated, "What you tell me stays only between us. Keeping things inside only makes it worse. You can trust me."

"It's-it's embarrassing…" Elizabeth said looking down.

"It's still important to get things off of your chest," Kate pushed a bit wanting Doctor Weir to know that she was there to help her and to listen. She'd be supportive and try to help the best she could. When Elizabeth didn't speak up, Kate tried to push more, "Does it involve someone on Atlantis?"

"No…" Elizabeth responded. "The Daedalus…"

Kate nodded, "They end up here every couple of weeks or so…" She studied Elizabeth as she tried to push a bit more. She needed more information and at the moment it was almost as difficult as pulling teeth. "Have you talked to Colonel Caldwell?" Kate frowned when she saw Elizabeth's reaction, she looked scared, almost panicked and then had looked away quickly to the side. "Elizabeth…" she said quietly. "Does this involve Colonel Caldwell?" Kate didn't know the colonel very well, mainly she knew of him and had seen him around, but never had held a conversation with the man. So, that didn't really help her assess things more.

"Yes," she barely whispered closing her eyes and letting her welled up tears that had formed when she had moved her head away finally fall down her cheeks. She didn't want to think about it. It hurt to even think about it. It hurt all over.

"Did he do something to do?" she asked knowing that people didn't cry just for having a disagreement. People only cried and hurt like that if something actually happened. Kate just wasn't sure what exactly had happened…not yet at least.

Elizabeth just sat there and then eventually opened her eyes and rubbed away the tears. What did they do anyways? They didn't even make her feel better. If anything the crying made her feel even more fatigued than her current state of mind made her feel. She had told Kate enough, hadn't she at least done her part on her deal with Carson?

When there was once again silence, Kate took it as something really serious. "Elizabeth. Tell me what happened."

"I don't want to…" she managed to get out pulling her legs up and folding them against her chest, tucking her knees under her chin as her arms wrapped around them. But then minutes after silence hung between them, Elizabeth found herself starting off and then leaving Kate hanging in between when she needed to take a deep breath. But fifteen minutes later, she had told Kate everything that had happened. That Steven Caldwell had raped her and had threatened her. Kate had ended up hugging her, which only made Elizabeth's sobs deepen. But she had to admit that it felt good…like a weight had been lifted off of her chest. Like she could breathe.

Kate pulled back and looked at Elizabeth, holding the other woman's hand in hers, "Elizabeth, you have to report him. You can't let him get away with this…it's not right."

"It's my fault…I let it happen."

"It's not your fault!" Kate said loudly, her voice strong, but then she realized that she had come across a bit harshly, but it was true. "It's not, Elizabeth," she said, this time her tone was softened. "Rape isn't something that is your fault… Caldwell should not get away with it. Would you stand by and let another woman go through what you're going through? What if he rapes a woman next time he's here?" she asked knowing very well that the Daedalus had already left and they weren't expecting it back for some time.

Kate was right, Elizabeth realized quickly. She would never tolerate any of her people to be treated like that. To be violated how she had been. But Elizabeth didn't want everyone to know what had happened to her. She felt like she would be thought of differently or treated differently. She didn't want that at all. "I'd have to go to Earth," Elizabeth finally spoke up.

Nodding, Kate spoke up again, "But you don't have to go alone… There are people who care about you here who will gladly go with you. I know I will if you need me."

"Where do we start?" Elizabeth asked looking directly at Kate.

TBC…


	4. Fear Makes Strangers of Friends

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 4 "Fear Makes Strangers of Those Who Would be Friends"

**Author's Notes:** none.

When Elizabeth didn't show up for Lorne's teams' meeting, John had gotten worried. It had been a week since he had found Elizabeth in her quarters and she had confessed she had been raped. Carson had done his job in healing her physical injuries and Elizabeth had at least agreed to see Kate Heightmeyer. Whether or not she had actually done that he didn't know. He had tried to talk to her, to let her know that he was there for her, but no matter what she was either not there or would allow him in. She was shutting him out.

After the meeting with Lorne's team, he headed off to find Doctor Heightmeyer. Maybe she could tell him something. At least why Elizabeth was avoiding him. He felt like he didn't even know her. Usually she'd at least talk to him or tell him that she needed time. Now, he was getting absolutely nothing.

When he finally made it to the good doctor's office, he found her alone and she was more than happy to have him come and talk to her. "I didn't come to have you shrink me or anything," John started. He wanted to make sure that she knew that he wasn't there for personal reasons first off.

Holding a smile, Kate nodded, "Okay, then how can I help you, Colonel?" she asked tilting her head a bit.

"I was wondering if you'd talk to Elizabeth about…about what happened," John asked right out. He wasn't going to beat around the bush. He needed to know. He wanted to know. Though, he knew that Kate wasn't going to disclose what they had talked about…if they had talked at all.

Kate wasn't sure exactly what to tell the colonel. She wanted to help. Obviously he was concerned about Elizabeth, but she couldn't break confidence. "I think you should talk to her."

"So you did talk to her."

"I didn't say that," Kate defended with a brighter smile. The colonel at least already knew, it wasn't like she was keeping much from him. He didn't know who it was, but she was pretty sure he knew everything else. Carson and Sheppard were the two that knew. That was what she had been told anyways. "Why don't you go talk to her?" Kate kindly suggested.

John sighed and rubbed his face wearily, "I haven't seen her for a week. She didn't show for any meetings… She hasn't been in her office… She's not on the radio… She's not answering her door. What do you suggest? I bust into her quarters?" John asked frustrated.

"Let her know you're here for her."

"I don't know how to do that when she's avoiding me constantly," John argued tiredly.

Kate smiled, "You'll figure it out. Why don't you get some sleep? Tomorrow's another day."

He frowned, "Day eight of being treated like a stranger instead of a friend," John responded. Getting up, he gave her a tired smile, if you could even call it a smile. It was more made up of his straight lips curving up ever so slightly at the ends. Nodding a bit, he left and trudged towards his quarters. Maybe some sleep would help. He really hadn't been getting much of it, it seemed almost foreign.

Four hours later, John woke up panting. His mind was working against him. Instead of letting him sleep so that he could try and deal with Elizabeth in the later hours of the morning, it had instead decided to haunt him in his sleep. He had been stuck on the fact that Elizabeth was most likely hurting, she had shut him out and he couldn't help her. It pretty much had painted itself into Elizabeth screaming out in pain and him not being able to find her let alone help or save her.

Rubbing his face wearily, he sat up and after leveling out his breathing, pushed the covers back. Swinging his legs over the side of the bed, he reached out and pulled his discarded pants over to him before stepping into each leg, zipping, and then buttoning. Tracking down socks and shoes were a harder task, but John managed and then found a black shirt and pulled it on. There was something that he needed to do. Something that he needed to do so that maybe he could sleep soundly.

He found himself at Elizabeth's door, knocking and not stopping until her door slid open. John wasn't going to just go away pouting this time; he was going to see her. He needed to see her. John needed to let her know that he was there for her.

Elizabeth looked horrible; her eyes were underlined in dark brown circles that were tinged with purple. Her dark hair looked like she hadn't brushed it in a while, which made her face look extremely pale. She had a robe on, pulled tightly around her. Her green eyes were dull; they were missing their normal luster and curiosity that normally sparkled from them. "John," she said her tone quiet, tired, and exasperated. "It's three in the morning…"

"I was in the neighborhood?" he offered knowing full well that it was lame and that she would see right through it. "Can I come in?"

Her head shook quickly before her lips could even vocalize it, "No…"

He frowned and put on his best kicked puppy dog look. "Why not? It's…" he tried to think of a damn good excuse, "Cold outside?" John put on a small smile and then teased, "You want me to sing the song? I will." He would do anything to make her smile, to make her let him back in.

"John—"

"Elizabeth, look," he said looking at her. "I've just been really worried about you… It's been a week…and you've been avoiding me… I want to be here for you." John was sincere about it, he just hoped that she'd actually let him in.

"I'm going to Earth tomorrow," she spoke up.

"Why?" John asked confused. He didn't understand why she'd want or need to go to Earth. It couldn't be for any Atlantis business, since she'd be hiding for the last week. Her hand grasping his had been something he hadn't expected, but he wrapped his fingers around her hand in response and followed her into her quarters.

Her back was to him, but her hand was still with his. "Kate made a good point when I met with her," she whispered. "I would never stand by and let a rapist get away if it had been any other member of this expedition…" She sighed and her voice became even quieter, "I just didn't want it to be so public."

"So, you're going to have this person prosecuted?" John asked surprised. As far as he was concerned this was good news, he just hoped that maybe it would let Elizabeth regain some of her strength that she seemed to have lost. Maybe the control she had probably felt like she had lost.

Nodding, she let her hand slip from his and brought it around to her stomach, twiddling with her other fingers. Her head was bowed as she thought about what she was about to say. "I want to make sure that this never happens to anyone else…" she whispered, her voice sad.

John took a step forward, but didn't reach out to touch her. He didn't want to spook her after he'd gotten into her quarters and gotten her to talk to him. It was a far greater improvement over how things had been over the last week and he wasn't about to let it get away. "Do you need someone to go with you?" he asked keeping his voice soft and gentle.

"Kate is going with me," Elizabeth spoke up. "But…I might need more moral support than just Kate…" She looked over her shoulder at him with tears in her eyes. She was so torn with things, she had feelings for John, and she was willing to admit them…and maybe that's why she had been so distant. She wasn't ready for anything right now. She could still feel violated, and she could even still feel each touch and each bit of pain she had experienced during the rape. Elizabeth just wasn't ready. She wasn't even sure if she was ready to take Caldwell to trial for rape. She knew she'd have to relive it all again, but she'd been doing that.

"You know I'll go with you if you want," John told her, his heart breaking to see the tears in her eyes. Taking another step forward, he wrapped his arms around her slowly and gently. He didn't want to freak her out and he didn't want to scare her. He just wanted to be there for her. "I'm here, Elizabeth," he whispered kissing her temple. He was dying to ask the question that she had never answered, but he wasn't ready to be pushed away again. He liked the close proximity to Elizabeth and being able to hold her and comfort her. "You need sleep," he whispered. "You can't go to Earth for anything on no sleep looking how you do now."

A small smile spread across her lips as she sniffled, "You don't look so great yourself."

"I've been haunted," he blurted. John hugged her for a minute before letting her go and spinning her around, "You need to sleep."

"You do, too," she whispered rubbing her eye.

John shrugged, "I'll sleep."

"You ended up here at three in the morning…"

"I was worried about you."

Elizabeth sighed, "We worry too much," she told him rubbing her face.

John watched her. She was definitely exhausted beyond exhausted. "Burden of command."

"Stay," she whispered not looking at him, she reached out and grasped his hand again. She wanted to sleep, she did, but she was afraid that somehow she'd be raped in the middle of the night. At least if she knew John was there she could maybe sleep for a couple hours.

'Who?' kept popping into his head, but he resisted. He was going to ruin this. John would ask in the morning. That'd figure things out then. "As long as you promise you'll sleep," he told her. Her tug on his hand and slow leading towards her bed was something that John could definitely not say no to. This would at least promise of her resting and he hoped sleeping.

Easing down on the edge of the bed, she felt John pull his hand away. She watched as he moved a chair next to the bed. She was thankful she didn't have to ask or suggest it. It was scary sometimes at how John seemed to read her mind. "You won't be comfortable sleeping in that," Elizabeth warned him.

"I'll be fine." John motioned for Elizabeth to lie down, "Time for bed."

Lying down, she settled on her side staring at him. She wanted to remember that he was there even when she had fallen asleep. "Night, John," she whispered before closing her eyes. It didn't take her more than a couple minutes for her to fall into a deep sleep. One that brought her into a soft snoring.

John smiled watching her, "Night, Elizabeth," he whispered back. "Sleep well." He had no intentions of sleeping. He'd watch her all night as she slept and if she woke up or had a nightmare then he'd be there to comfort her and to lull her back to sleep.

TBC…


	5. Promise

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 5 "Promise"

**Author's Notes:** none.

Upon waking up, Elizabeth couldn't remember where she was. It was dark and all she could make out was the slumped silhouette, which was half on her bed. The pressure she felt scared her, and she slowly slid out of the bed only to find herself on the floor and letting out a cry she hadn't meant to let out. Putting her hand over her mouth, she watched as the figure started to move.

"Elizabeth?"

Blinking, Elizabeth recognized the voice and then she remembered. "Sorry," she apologized as she felt for the edge of the bed. She had forgotten that she had asked John to stay. "You need to sleep, John…" she whispered sitting back on her bed. She felt his hand on hers and then entwine with hers.

"Please tell me…" he pleaded softly. He had been plagued with who could have possibly hurt Elizabeth that was on Atlantis, but had never come up with anyone. That's what had kept him up until he swore not long before Elizabeth had woken him. John didn't know whether to feel hurt that Elizabeth didn't trust him enough to tell him who had raped her…after all, he already knew that she had been raped…why was it so much harder to tell him who had done it?

Closing her eyes, Elizabeth thought about it. She had her reasons why she had only told Kate thus far, but she'd soon be telling a group of people what exactly had happened. But she hadn't wanted John to do anything rash. At least, she reasoned, if she told him now he couldn't do anything stupid since Caldwell was away on the Daedalus. "John…I don't want you to do anything stupid…" she whispered.

"Elizabeth—"

She turned towards him, just making his face out in the moonlight, "John, promise me. I can't have you get yourself locked up because you did something stupid… I want you to come to Earth," she said looking down and squeezing his hand. "You're my best friend," she admitted, "And I need you…but I don't want to loose you either…"

John frowned; couldn't he reserve the right to beat the crap out of the guy at a later time? But he wanted to be there for Elizabeth, he could tell she needed someone to lean on. And right now, he needed to sacrifice what he wanted to do in order to be a good friend to Elizabeth. "I promise," he finally said.

Sucking in breath, Elizabeth thought about what she was going to say and how John would most likely react to it. She figured that it was good that she didn't have any break-a-bles in her quarters. As she stared down at her hand wrapped in John's, she let out the breath she had been holding. "Steven Caldwell raped me," she whispered as tears immediately flooded her eyes at the mere thought of what he had done to her. Gripping John's hand, Elizabeth didn't even realize how tightly she was holding his hand.

Shock was the first thing that came to mind. After everything, and Caldwell turned around and did this? Was the man just after Elizabeth's job? Next, anger took over and his teeth gritted. He wanted to kill Caldwell. But then when he realized that he couldn't beat the crap out of Caldwell after his promise, he finally felt his brain kick in and could hear Elizabeth's quiet sobbing…the wet spot forming on his shirt, seeping through…and the tight grip on his hand. His face softened and he wrapped an arm around her before dipping his head down to place a soft kiss on her head. "I'm here, Elizabeth," he whispered. She was right, he realized. He knew he would beat the crap out of Caldwell and then end up on trail for attacking a higher ranked officer. That was the last thing they needed.

Elizabeth buried her face in his shirt and just cried. She could feel John's hand on her back rubbing large soothing circles. She could feel her body relaxing once again and fatigue hitting her. Her sobs started to fade, and her eyes closed as she used John's chest as a pillow.

Sighing, he ran his fingers through her hair before kissing her forehead. "Sleep well, Elizabeth." Leaning back against the head of the bed, John pulled Elizabeth with him, trying to move her into more of a more comfortable position, while still holding her. Stroking her hair, he thought about how he should haven't allowed for Elizabeth to be raped. There had to have been something he could have done something differently. Maybe he needed to up security…enforce a security detail to be with Elizabeth at all times…

But as his thoughts drained, so did his mind. Turning to screen saver mode, John's eyes shut, he let out a loud snore as he finally slept. The long needed sleep forced him into a deep state of sleep and loud sounds.

TBC…


	6. The Morning Never Looked More Beautiful

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 6 "The Morning Never Looked So Beautiful"

**Author's Notes:** none.

John awoke when bright light attacked his eyelids forcing them open to the harsh reality. But when his eyes adjusted his heart stopped for a second. What he saw he felt was the most beautiful thing, Elizabeth pulled up against him fast asleep. She was clothed; they hadn't done anything…but still, she was beautiful. He adjusted a bit, stretching his back out as slowly and trying not to knock Elizabeth around too much. Slowly, he leaned down and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

Stirring a bit, Elizabeth woke up to see John above her. She was confused for a moment trying to figure out where she was and why John was there, but that quickly came back. "Morning," she whispered as a small smile slipped onto her face.

"Morning," he replied back smiling down at her.

"What?" she asked seeing the smile. It wasn't a normal smile…it was more than just being happy…like keeping a secret.

"What?" John asked back confused.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Elizabeth clarified.

John smirked, "I was just thinking what a beautiful morning it is…"

Elizabeth's smile slipped from her face when she realized what day it was. Her eyes closed, and she pushed herself up into a sitting position, her hand came up and covered her face. "I-I have to go to Earth today…"

"I know," he said a bit quietly. "And I'm coming with you…"

She looked back at him, "You can't go after Caldwell, John… You just have to be there for moral support. That's the only way this is gonna work…"

John nodded, "I can do that…"

Elizabeth watched him, "Are you sure? Because I know I'm not even sure I can do this…" Looking down, she entwined her fingers together. "Kate said I have to re-live things…things that he did to me and I don't think I can go through that far…"

Caldwell raping Elizabeth wasn't something John really wanted to think about or hear, but he also didn't want the bastard to get away with what he had done and in some way he could thought it would help Elizabeth heal in some way. "You can do it," he told her quietly, but confidently. "And I'll be there and Kate…and whoever else you need… You know we'll stand with you, Elizabeth… You'd be there for any person on Atlantis, why not let us be there for you?"

"I don't want everyone to know…" she told him. "I didn't even want to tell you, Carson, or Kate…"

"Don't you trust us, Elizabeth?" John asked wondering for a minute if she actually trusted them as much as they trusted her. "I mean, sure…we don't know every person of Atlantis on a personal basis…but at least Carson, Kate, Rodney, Teyla, and I…if not Ronon, too… Any of us would give our lives for you…"

Elizabeth covered her face again before turning away from him, "And I would give my life for any one of you… But, John, I just…I feel like they wouldn't think of me the same…"

John could understand that, but he still saw the need for her to feel supported. "I think that it would make things easier for you, actually… I mean, I'd suggest at least telling Rodney and Teyla… I can understand you not wanting to bring Ronon in, but at least Teyla and Rodney. I mean, Rodney will flip out when he eventually finds out…and Teyla, well…Teyla's a woman, too…and a friend. Maybe you don't want to just talk to Kate?"

Nodding, but not looking at him, Elizabeth had to admit that it would be hard, but it would be for the best. Her command staff at least should know what's going on. "Let me shower and change…and then maybe we can meet with them all before we leave?" she suggested letting out a sigh.

Kate had seemed surprised at her open-ness to the others, including Ronon, and it had been hard for Elizabeth, but she had managed to get the whole story out and what was going to happen. Elizabeth had asked to be alone for a minute, and they had all abided, and had left her…all, but Teyla. Elizabeth had walked left to walk through her office and onto the balcony. She wanted one last quiet moment there to look at Atlantis before she had to leave…for she didn't know how long.

"Elizabeth," Teyla said quietly wanting a word with the other woman before she left.

"You'll take care of Atlantis while I'm gone, won't you?" Elizabeth asked not looking back. She knew Teyla would take care of things, and look out for the teams and people there.

Teyla stood there concerned, "Of course… I will take care of Atlantis until you return." Stepping up to the railing, she looked over at Elizabeth, "You are afraid to go."

Elizabeth wondered at times if Teyla realized how she often she stated things that were extremely obvious. "I'm afraid…I'm afraid I won't be able to do it… I'm afraid of what will happen when I see Caldwell… I'm afraid John will attempt to kill him."

"Fear is only as deep as the mind allows," Teyla told her. She turned to Elizabeth and put her hands on her shoulders, moving her so that they were facing each other. Looking directly into the woman's green eyes, Teyla spoke again, "Fear not, for I have given you authority. You are in control, Elizabeth. Remember that. Do not let him make you think you have lost it again."

A small smile formed on Elizabeth's face, "Thank you, Teyla."

Letting her head fall forward, Teyla just hoped that Elizabeth would be fine on Earth. When she felt Elizabeth's forehead touch hers, she pulled back standing up straight again, "We will be here when you return."

TBC…


	7. Fear

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 7 "Fear"

**Author's Notes:** I know these chapters are short…especially looking at other stories I have, but I'll admit that this is rather hard to write out long chapters for. So, bear with me ;) Usually when I get excited about stories I write quicker for them (so review! It makes me want to write more)

The trip to Earth was an easy one, but Elizabeth was already dreading how they'd get back to Atlantis. Normally, the Daedalus would take any guests to Atlantis and that would take about two weeks. Elizabeth couldn't help, but wonder…what if Caldwell was still in command of the Daedalus then? Would they be able to get to Odyssey to take them? John and Kate had come along with her for support. Carson had offered, but Elizabeth hadn't wanted all of the command staff on Earth. Plus, he was only a gate away if she needed him.

Landry showed them to their temporary quarters and told them about how one of the base's JAGs would be in touch with her. But for now, it seemed they just had time to relax and settle into the new environment. Luckily their quarters were placed side by side, so they wouldn't have to run all over the SGC looking for each other.

Sitting in her quarters, with John and Kate sitting nearby in chairs, she sighed. "I don't know if I can handle being away from Atlantis so long," Elizabeth admitted.

"We don't know yet how long this'll take," Kate told her trying to sound reassuring that things would be fine. "It could just take days…it all depends on what the JAG says."

"But on the other hand it could take weeks or months and that's without the time it takes for us to get back to Atlantis…"

John frowned, "Don't worry about Atlantis. It's in capable hands. Teyla will hold down the fort, and Ronan and shoot Rodney if he tries to do anything that may blow up the base." He held out his arms, "See…everything's handled. Carson's even there to patch Rodney up when he does something stupid."

"You did tell Ronan to set his gun on stun, right?" Elizabeth asked seriously. Ronan had a tendency to keep his weapon on kill, instead of stun.

"Ye-ah…I'll make sure he knows that the next time they dial in," John said not sure if he had specified that when he had told Ronan to keep an eye on Rodney. But then for all he knew, Rodney had broken out the Lantian personal shield again. In that case Ronan could throw Rodney around like a rag doll.

Elizabeth smirked a bit, "You do that."

The JAG that was assigned to represent Elizabeth was a woman, which Elizabeth thought was something that they had done purposefully. And she appreciated having a woman who she felt she could explain things to more easily. She was Air Force, a major. Her name was Agnes Llewellyn, she was an average looking woman was dark features, but she had a wonderful smile. It was probably the first thing that caught Elizabeth's attention; it made her feel comfortable…like she was truly welcome.

"Now, so far your case looks very good. Doctor Beckett recovered a good deal of evidence, including already matching up the samples to Colonel Caldwell." Agnes closed the folder and folded her hands on top of it. "Now, there's two ways that Caldwell can take, either he'll deny it and say it was consensual or he'll admit to it. I'm thinking he's going to go with choice number one, deny it. Now, depending on the jury and the judge it could still take some time. But since you and the colonel are such important figures in this program they're going to try to move it along as quickly as possible."

Elizabeth nodded; she liked the thought of a speedy trial. It meant that she didn't have to be on Earth for months upon months. "But isn't there enough evidence that proves that it wasn't consensual?" she asked worried that Caldwell would insist that was the case, and it was far from the truth.

"Doctor Beckett is sending all the samples and testing and anything that can be considered evidence. He's already e-mailed me upon request pictures of bruises. Now, they could argue that you just like it rough, but when all the pieces are put together there's no way that the jury can see it as anything other than rape," Agnes concluded with confidence.

Upon Elizabeth's request, John and Kate had been allowed to come along to her meeting, and John was fine with being quiet until he heard that. The thought of Caldwell trying to say that about Elizabeth made him mad… "Does Caldwell have to be at the trial?" he asked worried about Elizabeth's mental state. He knew that Doctor Heightmeyer was worried about that, too, but he suspected she probably already knew the answer to his question.

"Colonel Caldwell has the right to face his accuser, and us trying to block that is only going to take more time," Agnes explained.

"No, I-I can deal with him being there," Elizabeth told them. "I think anyway," she added quietly after a minute. She looked down and started to fidget.

Agnes looked at Elizabeth with sympathy and compassion. "Doctor, you know he won't be able to hurt you…he can't even talk to you… The only thing he can do is sit in the room. He can only look, and when I'm up there, I can block him… But I need to know you can do this… I understand that facing your attacker can be difficult, but in order to go through with this trial you need to be able to put your fear aside."

Fear was something that seemed to have consumed her since her world had been turned upside down and shaken. It ate at her stomach making her appetite nothing. Her social skills seemed completely depleted, perhaps partially because she really didn't want to see anyone. She far preferred to lock herself up in her quarters rather than be out and socializing or discussing things.

"To fear is one thing," Agnes told her. "But to let fear grab you by the tail and swing you around is another." She looked at Elizabeth directly and reached out and laid her hand on the woman's, "You can do this… We're all going to be there for you… There's nothing he can do to you now. If he lies, then we'll catch him in his lies, you just have to trust that we'll take care of things…"

TBC…


	8. Look Fear in the Face

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 8 "Look Fear in the Face"

**Author's Notes:** Okay, so trying to pop back into writing, especially since my campus now has campus-wide wireless…gotta love it. And I have this lovely like three hour gap between classes, so I'll try to be catching up between my stories and posts I need to be working on! Hence why Lost was posted for and why Salvation most likely will be also later today when I get to typing it up. See, school's good for something ;)

Elizabeth stared at the door for a long time, before she felt someone's hand on her arm. She pulled back quickly before she even saw that it was just John, no doubtingly had noticed her far off look. "Sorry," she muttered apologetically.

Concerned, he stared at her, "You okay?" he asked worried that she wouldn't be able to go through with this. It was a lot to ask someone to do. Reliving a traumatic experience, especially something like rape wasn't something that was an easy thing to go through. He figured that reliving it must be why most people don't even bother reporting being raped, and let alone that Elizabeth knew and trusted her attacker.

"I…" she started, but then stopped and dropped her head. She stared at the floor for a minute willing the tears in her eyes to stay there. "I don't know," she managed to get out before covering her face with her hand.

Kate looked over at Agnes before walking closer to Elizabeth, "Elizabeth," she said gently. But when she heard quiet sobs from Elizabeth, her heart twisted. It was odd, she had to admit, the whole experience of seeing a strong woman that had done all she'd done for Atlantis…seemed almost invincible at times just break down like this. Wrapping her arms around her, Kate tried to assure her, "It's going to be okay… Remember? He can't do anything, but look at you. He can't even speak unless he's on the stand. And John and I will both be there." When her sobs had quieted down, Kate pulled back a bit so that she could raise Elizabeth's chin. "You can focus on us… If you feel like you can't do it, you can look at us…" she said hoping that that small comfort would help.

Agnes stepped forward towards Elizabeth, "And I'll be there…and if you need, I can block him from your view," she offered. "But Elizabeth, we need to go in now…you just have to hold in mind that he can't do anything to you…"

"He can lie," she whispered before wiping her tears away.

"All the evidence is against him," Agnes tried to assure.

John put his hand on her shoulder, "You going to be okay?" he said. He almost wanted to say that they didn't have to do this, but he knew that she needed it…he needed it. He needed to know that Caldwell would be punished for breaking Elizabeth… She was starting to seem different, and John was certain that it was because of the rape, and most likely the fear bottled up inside of her.

Elizabeth gave him a nod, "You and Kate will be there…"

"Eleanor Roosevelt once said: You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing which you think you cannot do," Kate said hoping that those words would help. "Elizabeth, you must do the thing which you think you cannot do. We're all here for you, and we know you can do it. You just can't let Caldwell stop you."

The words struck Elizabeth hard; it was one of those times where the truth hurt. She still didn't think she could do it…or at least questioned her ability in doing so, but she knew that she couldn't just give up. She'd regret it later. She knew that. Nodding again, she tried to put on a small smile. It wasn't genuine, but it was the closest she could offer at the moment.

Elizabeth sat at one table with Agnes, but the beginning of the trial just gave her a headache. It was all presenting of evidence and the JAGs arguing. She had kept her gaze either straight ahead or down at the table. She knew he was there…just at the next table, and that scared her… Elizabeth knew it was silly to be scared like that; he couldn't do anything to her… But when he was called up as a witness, Elizabeth felt her heart skip a beat, as she looked over to Agnes, who just gave her a small smile.

Slowly, she allowed herself to look over to the witness stand and her eyes finally fell upon him. He was dressed up in his Air Force uniform; it wasn't something that Elizabeth wasn't entirely used to seeing. He was looking more annoyed than anything, but she wasn't sure if that was better than him smiling. His eyes came to hers, and Elizabeth quickly looked away. She didn't want him looking at her.

"Colonel Caldwell, will you please tell us about your relationship with Doctor Weir?" Major Douglas Everfield, the JAG defending Caldwell, questioned.

Caldwell watched Elizabeth as he answered the question, "At first, our relationship was purely professional, but slowly it became more of a sudden romantic relationship. Neither of us planned it, and perhaps the time gaps between visits to Atlantis just didn't make for a smart relationship, but Elizabeth and I were trying…"

This was what Elizabeth had been afraid of. It made her seem…seem like she had flung herself at him or something. It wasn't anything like that. He was making it sound completely wrong. She let her head fall into her hands as she felt tears starting to form in them. Maybe this was just all a bad idea…if she had just left things as they were, Steven Caldwell wouldn't be slandering her name…making her out to be a slut.

She started to slowly tune out what was going on, letting the tears just fall down her face. She kept her sobs silent, keeping as quiet as she could. It wasn't fair…why was he doing this to her? Hadn't he hurt her enough? Hadn't he destroyed practically her ability to trust herself with others? Elizabeth just wanted to go home now…she wanted to stay in her room on Atlantis…being by herself.

"Elizabeth," Agnes said quietly putting her hand gently on the woman's shoulder. When she didn't get any response, she frowned and turned her attention towards the Judge Advocate General, "I'd like to request a recess…"

The Judge Advocate General nodded, "We'll break for an hour…" he announced.

After most of the court room (not that there were many present) drained out, Agnes managed to get Elizabeth to her feet and to exit the room. "Let's get you somewhere where we can sit down," she said motioning for Kate and John to follow along. Luckily, she had requested a small room close by. It even had a mini-fridge which was stocked with bottled waters, sandwiches, and cheese sticks.

As soon as they were all into the room, and the door was closed, Kate and John moved closer to Agnes and Elizabeth. John wasn't sure what to do though. He wanted to pull her into his arms and rub her back and tell her everything was alright. He wanted to hurt Caldwell for hurting Elizabeth. But most of all, he just wanted Elizabeth back.

"I'm sorry," she whispered, before pulling away from Agnes and letting herself ease down onto a nearby couch. Rubbing her face, she tried to wipe away the tears. "I thought I'd be prepared…when he said those things…"

"Hey," John said, "We all know he's lying…"

Elizabeth shook her head, "Not everyone knows that…" She sighed, "I know you said this might happen… It's just harder than I thought it was going to be." She let out a long breath, trying to calm down.

"Elizabeth, look. When we go back in…try sipping water if they have Caldwell back up. It might make you feel better," Kate suggested.

Agnes nodded, "I have to cross him," she explained. "But then he'll be done…at least that should be the last time he's on the stand unless they re-call him. But Elizabeth, you need to try to find some way to stay calm in there… You can't break down like that… When you're on the stand, they'll expect it…and that's fine, because I understand that you're re-living traumatic events…"

"Does he have to be there?" John asked knowing that if Caldwell wasn't there, then Elizabeth wouldn't be having such a problem.

"I've already explained that," she said. "He has a right to face his accuser."

Kate rubbed Elizabeth's back, "You can do this… You just have to remember that we're there… We're all there to support you. The truth is going to come out, Elizabeth. The jury will see, and we'll be back on our way to Atlantis in no time."

"Do you mind if I just sit in here for a while? Until we have to go back?" Elizabeth asked quietly not looking up.

"Why don't I show you two where the commissary is?" Agnes offered.

Kate nodded before walking across the room to where Agnes was standing.

"I'll just stand watch," John said. He looked over at Elizabeth and then at the others, "Just in case."

"There's some water and sandwiches in the fridge," Agnes told Elizabeth before the three exited leaving her alone.

Elizabeth just cried for a long time, before finally calming down. She could feel the fatigue hitting her. Wiping the tears away, she padded across the room to the door and slowly opened it just a crack, and peeked out. "John?" she whispered, and he turned to her from his station at the door and looked in. She could see the concern and worry on his face, "Will you come in and sit with me?" she asked.

"Of course," he responded and opened the door more and stepped in when she stepped back. "You know you should eat something," he said motioning to the fridge. "Who knows how long we'll be in next time…"

"Maybe I could eat half a sandwich," she said walking towards the fridge. She was nervous and fidgeting with her fingers. "John?" she said suddenly turning towards him. John Sheppard was her best friend, and Elizabeth trusted his opinion. "Do you think I'm doing the right thing?" she asked looking down at her fingers, instead of directly at him.

John lifted her chin with his finger, "Elizabeth…I think you need to do this… Caldwell deserves to be punished for what he did to you…and…we're going to do this using the judicial system…" He sighed, "It's going to be hard, but Elizabeth, you can do this…" Leaning forward, he placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Soon enough, we'll be back on Atlantis…"

She nodded, "I miss Atlantis."

John smiled, "We've only been gone a day," he told her directing her to the couch and then crouching down to retrieve two bottles of water and a sandwich. He handed her one of the bottles of water and then sat down on the floor in front of her and opened the plastic bag the sandwich was in and gave Elizabeth half. "Peanut butter and jelly," he told her.

A small smile appeared on her face as Elizabeth looked down at the half sandwich. "It's like being in kindergarten."

"Everyone loves PB and J," John told her with a smile before taking a bite. "Eat up."

TBC…


	9. The Hard Part

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 9 "The Hard Part"

**Author's Notes: **none

They had been on Earth for a week, and it was taking its toll on Elizabeth. She had hated listening to Caldwell's descriptions of what he said went on between them. It made her sick. So sick that once they took a break, she'd be emptying her stomach contents in the bathroom. She had lost weight and her pallor had become sickly. They had all been concerned for her, but Elizabeth had just pushed it aside. Things wouldn't get better until she was back on Atlantis and Caldwell was behind bars.

Sitting in the court room all day sipping on water was what Elizabeth had forced herself to do. Usually she kept her head down; she didn't want to see Caldwell…it was bad enough hearing him when he was up on the stand. She had told Agnes that she'd be okay up on the stand, even though she wasn't sure she would be. Elizabeth wasn't sure if she could relive what had happened and explain it to people…most of them being military and far older than she was. She wasn't even sure if any of them cared or if any of them could understand the pain she was going through…

"Who are you calling to the stand?" the Judge Advocate General questioned.

Agnes stood and replied, "Doctor Elizabeth Weir."

Elizabeth's head shot up, she hadn't realized it was already her turn on the stand. Standing up a bit shakily, she rounded the table and headed to the stand. Slowly she stepped up into place. After swearing her in, and having her go over the basics of who she was and what she did, they continued on to letting the lawyers ask questions. She and Agnes had gone over the questions and how the other lawyer would try to trip her up or twist her words and responses. At least Agnes was first, which gave her some comfort. She'd have some time to ease into being there.

"Doctor Weir, please explain to the court in detail what happened," she said gently placing herself in front of Elizabeth trying to make sure that she was keeping her eyes on her and not Caldwell. She didn't want Elizabeth freezing up or freaking out while on the stand. She could go for Elizabeth breaking down as she explained things.

Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth kept her eyes on Agnes; she reminded herself that nothing was going to happen. "I was in my quarters on Atlantis, finishing up reading a report from Doctor McKay. The door buzzer went off, and I answered it."

"Who was there?"

"Colonel Caldwell," Elizabeth answered quietly.

"I'm sorry, Doctor, but I'm going to have to have you say it louder so that the rest of the court can hear."

Taking another deep breath, she repeated it louder, "Colonel Caldwell."

"Thank you. Go on."

She nodded and then continued feeling her stomach knotting up and feeling a sick feeling rising. "He asked to come into my quarters in order to discuss something. I allowed him in. We talked about Atlantis and the Daedalus for a while…" Elizabeth looked down feeling tears rising thinking about the next part. She couldn't do this… It was too hard…

"Tell us what happened next," Agnes prompted gently.

Looking back up at Agnes, Elizabeth could see the concern. She could see Caldwell smirking in her direction, and she stayed on him for a minute before Agnes took a step to block him. "He told me how he knew how lonely command can be and how we were both feeling the same thing. I told him I didn't know what he was talking about… When he started to move closer to me, I asked him to leave."

"Did he leave?" Agnes questioned giving Elizabeth the chance to breathe. She was trying to keep from getting accused of leading the witness, yet giving Elizabeth the chance to finish her statement. It was important, not only for her case, but for Elizabeth…the more she talked about it, the easier things would get.

"No," she said firmly holding back tears. "He grabbed me roughly and kissed me. I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't… I told him to stop. That it wasn't right. That I didn't want his company in any way." She just wanted to make that perfectly clear. After all the twisting that Caldwell had done, she wanted to tell what really happened.

Agnes stood there for a minute letting Elizabeth get herself ready to go into the really hard part. They had discussed how telling the exact events and then have the other side cross was going to be the hardest part of the trial, but she didn't want to push too much. Pushing too much would result in Elizabeth pulling out of the trial, and Agnes wasn't going to let Caldwell get away with what he had done.

The Judge Advocate General started to grow wearily with the long expanse of silence. "Doctor Weir, you may continue," he prompted looking over to her.

Nodding hard, Elizabeth took a breath before trying to continue, "He pushed me down and started to unbutton my shirt. I tried to get away, to push him, or to try to move out from under him, but I couldn't… I tried to talk him out of what he was doing, but he just insisted that I wanted it. I didn't." She looked down and tried to keep her breath even. A glass of water was set in front of her and she took a small sip before setting it down and continuing. "He started to undress and ended up holding me down as he pulled the other clothes off of me…" she explained as her voice trailed off. Tears started to fall from her eyes, "He pushed his penis into me and raped me…" she managed to get out before starting to sob softly and bringing up her hands to try and wipe the onslaught of tears that just seemed to rain down her face.

"How many times did you tell Colonel Caldwell that you didn't want to have sex with him?" Major Llewellyn asked taking note of how well Elizabeth was doing even with the breaks they had taken before towards the beginning of the trial. This was the part of the trial though where Elizabeth could have her breakdown on the stand.

"I don't know the exact count," she finally spoke up, not able to speak more than part of a sentence at a time as she gasped to regain her composure. "I told him many times…"

"Did he acknowledge it at all?"

"He just said that I wanted it…" Elizabeth said in between taking a deep breath and wiping tears away. She just wanted to be off the stand. "He even said it when he left… He told me he'd be back when the Daedalus came back…" She bowed her head, and tried to breathe a bit more, it was hard…harder than she thought, but she hadn't been able to talk herself out of it…so she figured that at least it was done and over with.

"Thank you, Doctor," Agnes Llewellyn said before turning and taking her seat again at the table.

Elizabeth watched as Major Everfield got up and approached the stand. "Doctor Weir, do you have any romantic interests on Earth? Boyfriend? Fiancée? Husband?" he asked.

"No," Elizabeth responded trying to figure out where Everfield was heading with his questioning. She knew that he was going to try to make her look bad…but she just wasn't sure how yet.

He nodded and walked a step before turning to look at her, "On Atlantis?"

"No," she responded. "My relationship with all members of my expedition and those who interact with Atlantis has always been strictly professional…"

"Are you sure, Doctor Weir?"

Llewellyn stood up, "I abject, I don't see how this line of questioning is going in any direction…let alone the fact that she just answered the question."

"I'm getting there," Everfield told the Judge Advocate General.

"Get there quickly, Major," he responded firmly.

"Isn't it true that in fact you have had romantic relationships with those under your command and Colonel Caldwell is just the latest person you've lured? Isn't it true that it was completely consensual?"

Elizabeth's eyes widened a bit at the accusations, "I have never had any romantic relationship with anyone under my command. And as I said before Colonel Caldwell raped me. Rape is not consensual…it was completely forced." She was not happy with how the major was trying to paint her.

"I have witnesses that have seen you in a passionate kiss with a Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard…while on Atlantis," Everfield said.

"That…that was while I was under alien influences…the colonel and I both were when that happened. We didn't even remember it happening. Colonel Caldwell had brought it up when he visited us in the medical bay…" Elizabeth tried to straighten out.

Agnes got up again, "There are reports from senior staff of the Atlantis expedition stating that Doctor Weir and Colonel Sheppard were both under alien influence at the time of the kiss. I'm sure Colonel Caldwell wouldn't want us to put anything against him that happened while he was under the influence of the Goa'uld that had taken him over."

Everfield opened his mouth again, but the Judge Advocate General interfered, "Major Everfield I suggest you stay on the topic and subject at hand… Only those facts that are relevant should be presented. Let's recess for lunch."

TBC…


	10. Earth to Elizabeth

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 10 "Earth to Elizabeth"

**Author's Notes: **none.

Everything from getting up from the stand and being walked to get something to eat was a blur, everything that was until her arm was prodded by Kate Heightmeyer. "Huh?" Elizabeth blurted unintelligently. She hadn't even been listening at all…it had been completely in her own head… Elizabeth was thinking about Atlantis and how she missed it. She knew that her time on Earth at the time seemed long, but not in comparison in how long she had been on Atlantis. She blinked her emerald eyes for a minute to move her concentration to the group around her.

"Earth to Elizabeth," John said and then raised his eyebrows at her when she looked his way. "Kate's been poking you and calling your name for the past five minutes or so…" he informed her. He knew it was all taking a toll on her. He could see it in her eyes, how her eyes were more of a dulled darker color than their normal bright shiny sparkle green. Her face showed her state of sleep deprivation, her make-up wasn't able to cover all of the dark circles under her eyes, and he was sure that it had washed away also when she had been crying on the stand. Her shoulders were slumped instead of back and straight. And obviously her mind was wondering…

"I'm sorry," she apologized looking down at the small salad and picked up her fork to poke around it pretending like she was actually eating it. Her day so far hadn't gone so great. At least she didn't think so. Elizabeth just wanted to go home. At this point, she didn't care if Caldwell got away; she had hated her name being slung around how it had been. She felt ashamed and dirty… She had washed her body clean of him some time ago, but yet she could feel that feeling wash over her again.

Frowning, Kate looked to Agnes and then back to Elizabeth, "You're doing great up there," she tried, hoping that Elizabeth would believe her. Elizabeth's state, Kate could tell, was starting to roll downhill. She could only imagine how hard it was on her, to be carrying all the shame that Caldwell was trying to put onto her…all the lies…and all the hurt that she still carried inside.

John looked to Kate and Agnes for answers, "How much longer do you think that this all will take? I mean, we all have that fun two to three week journey back to Atlantis to look forward to…" He was asking more for Elizabeth's sake than his general sanity. It was their home, and he knew it had to be more of Elizabeth's comfort zone than their current quarters.

"I doubt it will be much longer. Hopefully, we can wrap things up today and then tomorrow we can do closing statements and then we can get the verdict," Agnes informed him. She looked over at Elizabeth and reached out and squeezed her hand, "You are doing wonderful up there. I know it must be hard…but it's almost over…"

Elizabeth just produced a small fake smile. It was just something to entertain Agnes, nothing that she felt deep down. "I can't wait to return to Atlantis…"

"Well," Kate said, "If you don't eat then you're going to end up under Carson's care when we get back to Atlantis." When her eyes met Elizabeth she added, "You need to eat. I know it doesn't seem like anything's going to help, but eating is going to make your body feel better. And it's what's going to fuel it so that you can finish this trial so we can all return to Atlantis."

"My stomach is just churning," Elizabeth explained. "I think I'll eat better tomorrow…" Dropping her fork, she sighed quietly. "I'm tired…"

"You need sleep, too," Kate added.

John frowned, "Maybe we should ask to continue to tomorrow…"

Elizabeth's head shot up, "No…I want to get this done with as soon as possible…" she told him sharply. "I just want to finish this…" Her eyes were pleading with John. Yes, she was tired, but she would rather sleep in her own bed a day sooner than sleep there. "I promise, I'll sleep tonight…"

"Maybe a sedative?" Kate offered.

Nodding a bit, Elizabeth agreed, "Might be a good idea…"

When they returned back to court, Elizabeth took the stand again and Major Everfield crossed her again, this time with fewer interruptions from Agnes and the Judge Advocate General. She didn't let it get to her this time. The only thing on her mind was getting home to Atlantis. His questions where trying to get her to admit to some kind of misconduct and he was trying to feel for any relationship she may have with John.

The whole thing was depression, she thought afterwards. She and Simon had something before she had gone to Atlantis. Before she thought they would be married, but now…now there was nothing for her to return to. Simon was with someone else, and she was happy for him no matter how much it hurt that it seemed like a relationship she had thought would go somewhere had been taken away from her so quickly. Maybe that's what lay ahead for her? A life of loneliness, of pure professional relationships…not something she had always dreamed of, but she figured at least she had friends…that was something. Not much, but she could count herself lucky for at least that.

She sat at the table in the court room that had been set up. Listening partly to what was going on, but then thinking about how her life hadn't turned out exactly the way she wanted. They were wrapping up for the end of the day…tomorrow would turn out exactly how Agnes had said…there would be closing arguments and then the final verdict.

"How about we go out to dinner?" Agnes offered Elizabeth as she cleaned up her things and packed them away into her case. "It'll be a nice change from these dreary grey walls…"

"Not today," Elizabeth said quietly not looking at Agnes.

"Tomorrow then…it'll be like a celebration diner…for putting Caldwell away," she said leaving it as a definite rather than a question. "One more day, Elizabeth. Then, you'll be able to return back to Atlantis… I'm sure you've been missed…"

A small smile formed on her face, "I'm sure John and I both have… No one's there to really reign in Rodney like we can. But Ronan can put the fear of God into him…so hopefully that's worked thus far."

Agnes smiled, happy to see some true happy emotion from Elizabeth. "Why not give them a call? Let them know that day after tomorrow you'll be coming back? Check up on things…"

"I think that sounds like a good idea," she said thinking about the whole idea. She had felt so disconnected from Atlantis…from Pegasus…seeing Teyla and checking in would do her some good, she knew it would.

TBC…


	11. Touching Base

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 11 "Touching Base"

**Author's Notes: **no, I haven't fallen off the face of the planet…yet. I've just been way too busy and sick from it all…and hardly any time to write! Let alone the fact that my brain went on strike! And not only does not appreciate my regular scene dividers, it also does not like my radio traffic usage…so I'll be using (( )) for anything over the radio or from Atlantis :)

…………………………………………………………

((You are doing well?))

Elizabeth nodded a bit, "Better now to be talking with you… Hopefully we'll be home soon. I think we're all a little homesick," she told her. It was a bit odd that three years ago she would have called Earth home, but now…home was Atlantis. She was sure that most on Atlantis felt like that. Atlantis just grew on you like that.

((We are all looking forward to your return.))

"Well, I should go… I'll talk to you hopefully in person next time," Elizabeth told her before bidding her farewell. She really didn't want to say bye, but she knew she had to. It had given her a boost of hope…hope that she could be back on Atlantis…even if that took two weeks or so. But the idea of going back home, it was enough to cheer her mood considerably.

Heading back towards her quarters there at the SGC, she was pulled against John Sheppard's shoulder as he snuck up on her. "So…I've decided…we have to go out and do some shopping… Ya know popcorn…beer…football on DVD…maybe ride a ferris wheel…"

A small smile formed and Elizabeth shook her head, "I don't know about that… We still have trial…" Elizabeth felt a bit better, but that didn't mean that she was ready to go out and party… There was still the verdict… "I talked to Teyla…"

"How's she doing? Rodney driving her crazy, yet?" John asked putting his arm around her shoulders. It was true that he had stayed in the SGC the whole time they had been there, but he was starting to go stir crazy. He wanted to be there for Elizabeth, but he was also used to going on missions or at least being able to walk outside and see the ocean on Atlantis. He needed more than just recycled air.

Shrugging, Elizabeth looked over at him, "I think he's behaving okay…she didn't mention anything… He's used to you and I being there…maybe he behaves better for Teyla…" she suggested not able to really come up with a better explanation.

"That," John said. "Or Teyla's not telling us anything…_or_ Ronan's already squashed him…" A bright smile spread across his face, "But then usually just the threat of Ronan is usually enough to rein McKay in… I'm sure he's behaving as well as can be expected…for McKay…"

Agnes came running down the hall, which she made a mental note to never do again. Running around in a skirt and heels wasn't exactly the easiest thing to do. Plus, she was not the most graceful person… It was a miracle that she hadn't fallen somewhere between her office and where she was now. "Wait!" she called slowing down and taking the time to tuck in any blouse that had fallen from its place as she approached John Sheppard and Elizabeth Weir in the hall.

John moved his hand from Elizabeth's shoulder wishing that people would just leave them alone for two minutes… "What do you want now?" John asked, his voice showing just how annoyed he was. It was more in protection of Elizabeth than anything. He still hated the fact that Caldwell could say anything he wanted, and could just keep hurting Elizabeth.

"John," Elizabeth spoke up placing a hand gently on his arm.

Sighing, John took a breath looking down. He was trying to stay calm…sane even… "Sorry," he said quietly.

Major Llewellyn smiled kindly, "It's fine, Colonel. I think we're all a bit worn…" Looking over at Elizabeth she tried to offer her some strength…hope even. "They're back…they have decisions," she explained emphasizing the plural.

Elizabeth hadn't missed it, "What do you mean? Decisions?" It was a little scary… It was bad enough that she'd find whether or not they'd believe her. She knew it was a bit pathetic for her to be concerned about what they thought, but she didn't want to be labeled as a liar… Making bad decisions, fine. But a liar? No.

Nodding, she took her time trying to explain it as sensitively as possible. "They not only made a decision on the case…but they also took into thought the command of both the Daedalus and Atlantis. So, you need to be prepared… They could pull you both from command for all I know." She knew it was a lot to take in, but Agnes hoped that Elizabeth would be able to handle it. And Elizabeth wasn't the only one that she was worried about. John had ended up a bit worn out also…she wasn't sure if it was simply that John had been trying to give Elizabeth all his strength…or if he was just ready to snap. "Kate will be meeting us at the room…"

"Maybe…I should just wait in my quarters," John said getting looks from both women in response. "What?"

Her voice was quiet and stuttered a bit as she tried to make a stable sentence. "You're…you're not going to be there?" John had been her support throughout the whole trial…having him and Kate there were probably the only reason that she had made it that far… She turned away for them for a second to compose herself. It was hard though…she felt like crying…like demanding that he go with them… But she really couldn't do that, there was only so much one person could take. Perhaps John had just had enough.

"Colonel? I really wish you'd reconsider…" Agnes spoke up. She had noticed how much Elizabeth relied on the colonel, and was mainly concerned about her wellbeing.

……………………………………………..

"On the count of rape," one of the generals spoke up. "We find the defendant—"

To Elizabeth, the world seemed like it had stopped. Her heart felt like it had stopped. Her hands were sweaty…she was hot and uncomfortable. She felt like crying and she didn't even know the verdict. Looking back over her shoulder she saw Kate…and to her surprise she saw John sitting next to her. When he gave her a small wave, she felt a sudden wave of relief before turning back.

"Guilty."

Agnes moved her hand to Elizabeth's hand that was on the table and gave it a small squeeze. She smiled at the woman before looking back over at the old general waiting for the rest of what they had decided upon.

It still hurt to breathe thinking that she may be punished by being pulled from Atlantis. Elizabeth had been waiting for so long now to go back, and they could possibly pull her from command. What would she do then? What could she do?

"On the decision of the command of Daedalus, Colonel Caldwell, you will be removed. There will be sentencing tomorrow."

Elizabeth could hear Caldwell grumbling and obviously not happy. She didn't look over; she didn't want to see him. She was just happy that he couldn't hurt her anymore…that she wouldn't have to see him anymore…

"On the decision of the command of Atlantis. This committee sees no need to remove Doctor Weir from her current position. We do not believe that this…attack…will hinder your ability to command the Atlantis outpost."

Bowing her head, she silently let out, "Thank you." It wasn't loud enough for anyone else to hear. She folded her hands in front of her on the table and breathed in deeply happy for the results of the trial. All the pain and suffering she had endured on Earth was finally being paid off.

Agnes looked over at Elizabeth, "So? We're leaving Cheyenne Mountain tonight and we're having that dinner. I think everyone could use it. No arguing," she insisted quietly.

"No argument here," Elizabeth responded.


	12. A Bit of Celebrating

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 12 "A Bit of Celebrating"

**Author's Notes: **Why aren't I being a good author and posting? Uhh…well it's November…and for those who don't know this it's National Novel Writing Month. So, along with others I have been participating in the event. You can go to for more information! So, you're super lucky you're getting this before December ;)

…………………………

"See, this isn't that bad," Agnes told Elizabeth. "Maybe the air isn't so fresh, but probably feels fresher than what we've been breathing inside the mountain."

Elizabeth gave her a small smile, "It is nice to be out," she commented as Agnes guided them to a vehicle near by. She really wanted to just go back to Atlantis, but Agnes had insisted that they all needed to go out before they left.

John smiled as they got into the car, "It's definitely nice to be out of the mountain." He was feeling better just being outside, even if they were going to be getting into a car. "So? Where are we going to dinner?" he asked slightly hungry.

"There's this fun restaurant I know that's in the mall," Agnes explained. "We'll have to wait a bit, but I figured none of you have been shopping for some time, so at the very least we can window shop before dinner."

"I'm not really a fan of shopping," John informed them. "Especially clothes shopping."

Smiling brightly, Agnes replied, "Don't worry, Colonel, they have a sports shop and a Suncoast. I'm sure you'll have something to do."

By ten at night, the group had returned to Cheyenne Mountain all in much better spirits. "I feel like we've been on vacation buying souvenirs for the family," John commented.

"It's not far off," Elizabeth said. "Just think about how often we actually get to come back to Earth. And…after all those on Atlantis have become family."

"Elizabeth's right," Kate piped up as the trio headed for their quarters with bags in hand. "At least we can say we got out of Cheyenne Mountain."

"And had a good meal," John added rubbing his stomach with his free hand. He had managed to find a jersey, some hats, CDs, and DVDs along with a couple items he had picked up for Rodney, Ronon, Carson, and Teyla. He had also purchased Monopoly figuring it would keep them from dying from boredom on the long trip home.

Elizabeth stopped at her door and looked over at them, "Do we even know if we're leaving on the Daedalus tomorrow?" It was already going to take at least two weeks to get back to Atlantis; she hated to keep adding days on.

"We going to sentencing tomorrow?" John asked wondering if she needed to know Caldwell's punishment or if she was just content with the verdict.

Shaking her head, she spoke up with a smile, "I plan on sleeping in tomorrow…and then finding out when our flight leaves."

John noticed her smile, and smiled himself thinking that maybe he was getting a bit of his Elizabeth back. It was a good sign, he noted. "Goodnight ladies."

………………………………………..

The pure joy of sleeping in was enough to put Elizabeth in a good mood. It wasn't only that…it was also that she didn't have to worry or stress about anything. Getting up and showering, she kept telling herself that soon she'd be home…

After changing into a pair of dark blue jeans, a black tank top, and her black dress boots, Elizabeth carefully packed her things. She made sure everything fit whether it wanted to or not. Hearing a knock at the door, she picked up a cranberry tight fitting v-neck sweater and pulled it on. "Just a minute!" she called. She wasn't expecting anyone, but usually Kate came to check on her in the mornings. Opening the door she was a bit surprised to see John standing there, "Hey," she greeted happy for the surprise.

John smiled brightly, "We're still leaving, right?"

"Today even," Elizabeth told him with a smile.

"You look…better," John observed aloud. He knew she must still be exhausted after everything, but it was good to see her doing better. It made him feel better; he didn't feel the need to be as protective as he had been during their time there.

"Relieved, I think is more fitting," Elizabeth told him. "Thank you, John."

Confusion clouded his face as he leaned against the wall. "For what?"

"Being here for me… You and Kate really kept me anchored. I appreciate it."

John just smiled, "C'mon… Kate said something about coffee and breakfast being the most important meal of the day." He watched as she gave him a nod before retrieving her keycard and letting the door shut behind her. Once they got Kate and were heading towards the commissary, John decided to bring up the trip back. "So? Two weeks of Monopoly?" John asked looking from Elizabeth to Kate for a reaction.

"Don't you think you'll get bored of it, John?" Elizabeth asked hoping there would be more variety.

"Maybe," he said slowly as he thought about it.

……………………………….

((The Daedalus will be leaving Earth's orbit in thirty minutes. All departments please report in to the bridge.))

It was odd; it was the first thing that came to mind. Elizabeth was far too used to hearing Steven Caldwell's harsh voice pumped through the Daedalus' intercom system. But at the same time, it was a relief. There was no fear of being on the Daedalus, which Elizabeth was thankful for.

"Do you want to hear about the sentencing?" John asked her quietly. They were in the mess hall on the Daedalus; John's Monopoly game on an empty seat of a chair at the table. Kate was in her temporary quarters on the Daedalus to take time to just relax and read. He had seen the brief tension in Elizabeth when Colonel Winfield's voice had come over the loudspeaker. He knew though that things would get better. But maybe she needed the simple reassurance that Caldwell was being punished and that he couldn't hurt her anymore.

"Not now," she responded before taking a sip of her water. Elizabeth knew she wasn't ready, and that at their current position she'd just worry… She wanted to move on…she wanted to think of the trial as a healing point in what had happened. When she saw the worry in his face, she spoke again. "Tomorrow, John." Elizabeth figured that a bit of distance would help.

Giving her a friendly smile, he nodded before getting up and walking over to the food line.

Turning, Elizabeth watched him curiously as John went through the line. She watched him puzzled as he brought back two pieces of pie. When he set a piece in front of her, she started at it before looking over at him as he lowered himself back into his chair. "What's this?"

"Pie," John stated matter of factly. He cut a piece of the pie off with his fork before scooping it up and eating it.

Shaking her head, she waited for a better answer. When John kept eating his pie, she tried again. "Why do I have this pie?"

"Because you looked like you need it," he told her with a smile before taking another bit of his pie.

"I'm not exactly sure how to take that," Elizabeth admitted. She knew that she had lost weight during the trial from all the stress which added to her lack of appetite. But she wasn't sure if it was because she looked like she merely needed a pick me up either.

John smiled and motioned to her pie, "Eat. Then we'll play Monopoly."

…………………………………

TBC…


	13. Home

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 13 "Home"

**Author's Notes: **none

A little over two weeks later, the Daedalus landed in orbit around Atlantica. Elizabeth stood at the window in the mess hall, the room that had been more of her home the past two weeks than her quarters. John had insisted on it. She stared out and couldn't help, but smile. Atlantica was below them and she couldn't help admiring its sheer beauty. Soon, they would be home…back where they all belonged. Elizabeth was tempted to ask to be beamed down, but she knew that the Daedalus had planned on landing and letting the crew have some down time for a couple days.

Once they Daedalus had been far enough into its journey, John had broken out the Monopoly game. Of course, when Kate had started to beat him at Monopoly John hadn't been so insistent on playing… They had spent a good deal of time just talking…discussing their lives before Atlantis, though she had noticed that John didn't volunteer as much as he had pushed her to share. She swore he was just collecting information on her to use against her later on, like knowing her birthday… She still wasn't sure how he had found that information.

The whoosh of the doors opening told Elizabeth that John had arrived. They always met at this time, though she had purposely been early today. She wanted to have time to stare down at Atlantica on her own. Not that she didn't enjoy John's company, it just seemed like he and Kate had been extra careful to only leave her time to sleep alone, and she felt the need for solitude. "Morning, John," she said as she leaned against the small outcrop of support near the window and just continued to stare.

Mornings had become routine. He would meet Elizabeth in the hall outside of their quarters (though this morning she had slipped him a note under his door letting him know she'd meet him in the mess hall instead), and then they'd drink coffee together and bring up random things to discuss. John swore he felt like he and Elizabeth had grown up together with how much he had known her. He bet he would have been the boy next door that would have tried to impress her, but would have been just have been given a polite wave instead of the notice he was craving. "Someone was up early." Bringing two mugs of coffee to the window, he handed her one and smiled when he saw her face. There was something different about her…something…something that made her seem more alive…more like the old Elizabeth.

"I just…wanted to look by myself," she tried to explain gently as she carefully sipped the hot bitter liquid. Elizabeth didn't mean to hurt John's feelings, but she felt the need to be truthful with him.

Smirking, he asked, "Getting sick of me? I promise I left Monopoly in my quarters." John leaned against the window, so that he could watch her face as he started to drink his coffee.

"No," she told him as a small secret smile brightened her lips. It was the one she reserved for when she was amused by John. "I just…needed space… I promise I'm okay…"

He wondered if she was telling him the truth or not. His Elizabeth radar didn't always work correctly…she had been pretty quiet even on the Daedalus. John had kept telling himself that she just needed space and to be back on Atlantis…but here they were above Atlantis, and she was still acting odd. "You sleeping okay? Nightmares?" he asked remembering how she had told him that she hadn't been getting much sleep when they had first started out, and how she was still having nightmares…that she'd wake up crying… It broke his heart to think about it. He felt utterly helpless that he didn't know about it so that he could pull her into his arms and rock her until she felt safe and fell asleep…

Shrugging, she tried to get away without responding by merely sipping her coffee and continuing to stare at Atlantica. Elizabeth didn't want John to worry; she knew he had been worrying about her the whole time on Earth and that after that conversation he seemed to worry just like that again. She knew that eventually she'd be okay, and that his worrying wasn't going to do either of them any good except maybe getting John an ulcer.

"Elizabeth?" he pressed wanting to know what was going on. He knew with Atlantis just in reach that that would assist her, but he needed to know. They were both in command positions with the expedition and he needed to be able to cover and look out for her.

Turning her gaze from Atlantica to John, she gave him a warm smile. "I'll be okay, John," she whispered sincerely.

He took a step forward closing the distance between them, needing to know that everything would be okay. That she'd be okay… Using his free hand, he reached up and gently stroked her cheek. John watched as she closed her eyes as his hand caressed her. "I'm here for you," he told her. "You know that, don't you?"

Opening her eyes, she nodded, "I know that…" John Sheppard had been the one man who had stood up for her since they had left the SGC. She knew that he had always had faith in her, even before they knew each other… And the bond they shared was precious to her. Elizabeth looked down and pretended to be interested in her coffee.

Placing a gentle kiss on her forehead, John reached down and lifted her chin so that he could see her face. Her green eyes were bright, and it seemed like the lights that he'd feared were burnt out had returned. _She's back, or at least at peace_, he thought. "I've missed you," he told her with a smile, which only brightened at her confused expression. With his hand still caressing her cheek, he leaned in and placed his lips to hers for a moment he wondered if she'd even accept it, but he found that she was soon kissing him back. But their moment was interrupted by someone clearing their throat. _Busted_. John felt Elizabeth's forehead against his chest, buried, he was sure to hide her face and her embarrassment as he took the chance to see who it was.

"Having coffee without me?" Kate asked with an amused smile on her lips as she approached the two. She had seen the two growing closer, even more so than they seemed to have since the expedition had started. But a public place was not the place for them to be seen together in such an intimate position.

John smiled and held up his coffee cup, moving his other arm around Elizabeth. It was like being caught by your parents when you were supposed to be studying…and studying ended up turning into other things. "There's…uh more coffee. I could do with another cup."

Kate just shook her head, and got herself her own cup and then grabbed a danish. "No wonder there are rumors," she told them as she took a seat at one of the nearby tables.

"There are rumors?" Elizabeth asked pulling away from John and looking at Kate.

"Oooo what rumors?" John asked more intrigued by the idea than scared that someone might find them to be true. "Are they at least good rumors?" he asked as he slid into on of the chairs at Kate's table and watched as Elizabeth sat down across from him and took a long sip of her coffee.

"There are rumors, but no new ones," she told them and when she saw relief wash through Elizabeth, Kate knew that there was more than just friendship between John and Elizabeth. She knew it was good for both of them…to have someone to be that close to, but she wasn't sure if choosing each other was the best idea. The IOA and the SGC would surely have something against it if they found out. But then, Kate knew that love wasn't chosen, it just tended to happen…

"Do I even want to know what these rumors are?" Elizabeth asked, holding her mug snugly between her hands. When John shook his head in response, she let out a sigh. "Well, I guess they need to have something or someone to talk about."

"We're special that way," John told her with a smile.

TBC…


	14. Happiness

**Title:** Which You Think You Cannot Do

**Author:** atlantis child (Command Dynamics), innocent choir girl When Elizabeth Weir doesn't answer any of her calls and doesn't show up in her office, Atlantis' security is about to start a search team out to find her. But John Sheppard finds her first, and what he finds shocks him.

**Genres:** Alternate Universe, Angst, Drama, Hurt/Comfort

**Warnings:** Abuse, Rape, Torture, Violence

**Rating:** M

**Chapter:** 14 "Happiness"

**Author's Notes: **

Elizabeth stared out at the sea. It was one of the things she missed most about Atlantis. The waves crashing back and forth around Atlantis' structure, which brought that salty air up to her as she inhaled. It was simply spectacular and she remembered exactly why she hadn't wanted to leave Atlantis in the first place to go to Earth for the trial. Atlantis was her home…it had been for some time… Stretching out her arms across the balcony railing, she took a step back to stretch out her back before laying her head on one of her arms as she let her eyes close so she could just listen to the ocean.

The sound of the door open behind her alerted her to the fact that she was no longer alone. "I'm fine, John," she said without moving or opening her eyes. She knew who it was; she didn't need to move to look. They had really synced up since the trial. They had a silent special bond, almost like a psychic link…it was odd, but Elizabeth loved it… It was a comfort in an untellable way.

"I know you are," he said with a smirk as he approached her. "Are you hugging the city and telling her you missed her?"

She smiled brightly and opened her eyes before straightening and turning towards him, "Maybe…"

John watched her as he crossed his arms across his chest. "You know, Kate is still giving me funny looks…" He leaned against the railing watching her; she was so different on Atlantis…happy… "We gonna talk…about…ya know…" John started trying to figure out how to finish his rambling sentence.

"The kiss?" Elizabeth brought up, red rushing to her cheeks as she dropped her head as her smile widened and she tried to push the blushing away from her cheeks.

Her reaction made him smile; she seemed so happy and carefree about it. "Yeah…" Reaching out, he lifted her face with his hand so he could see her. "I didn't want to push you…"

"You didn't," Elizabeth spoke gently as she reached up and took his hand. She moved it from her chin, but kept a firm hold on it in between them. "I chose to kiss you back, John…well, briefly…before we were interrupted."

"Rudely interrupted," he added.

She smiled brightly at his comment. "It could have been worse…Kate will keep that secret…I'm sure of that."

"Where were we?" he asked closing in on her.

Giggling a bit, she moved out of the way, "Now John… I never said I wanted to be kissed again…" Elizabeth enjoyed her time with John, and teasing him made her smile all the more. "John Sheppard, we've been on Atlantis for no more than an hour and you're already hitting on me?"

"Should I come back in a couple hours and pick up then?" he teased.

Seriousness started to come over her as she took a step towards John and then wrapped her arms around his waist and laid her head against his chest. He felt strong and warm to her as she closed her eyes. She wanted to have a relationship with John, but she wasn't ready yet… But not being ready was a hard place to be…it hurt her heart to think of the look on his face when she told him and how she would feel at the look. "I'm not ready yet," she whispered.

Letting his hand run through her hair, he leaned down and kissed the top of her head before responding, "I know." John did know, and he knew not to push…but that didn't mean he wasn't going to be interested in her. He knew if he went too far that she'd say something and push him away. "Just know," he said before moving away from her and lifting her face so he could look into her green eyes, "That I will be here for you."

The look that she had expected to be there was no where to be found, instead she found understanding, caring, and love in his face and eyes. His eyes alone told her everything she needed to know. "Thank you."

"I will always be here for you, Elizabeth…no matter what."

She gave him a gentle smile, "I know…."

John smirked, "Good. Now, how about we get some dinner? We could even hide out, so that you don't have to listen to Rodney's rantings about how the scientific stuff he's been wanting to harass you about since we left."

"As nice as that sounds…I think I'd like to spend dinner in the mess hall… I've missed being here…including the people…"

"Even Rodney?" John asked with a slightly pained look.

A bright smile lightened her face, "Even Rodney. Admit it, John. You've missed everyone, too."

"Do I have to?"

Giggling, she shook her head before grabbing his arm and heading away from the balcony. "You don't have to tell him…but I know you've missed him."

John gave in, "Fine…I'll admit…I've missed blaming stuff on him…" He gave her a wicked smile as they entered and headed for the mess hall. He was relieved to have things back to normal. Happiness was something that he was afraid that she had lost. He was glad to see that he was wrong…and that happiness still lived for them all in Atlantis.

The End


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